The Fear
Because I didn't count the cost before I jumped, I let fear creep in. This fear was so pervasive, so overwhelming, it sent me into a tail spin. Anxiety I've found, is real. It affects the mind so viciously that our body loses control. It got so bad I couldn't even use my phone to purchase a plane ticket. It's a simple task right? In the moment it seemed like a mountain. Luckily I had a friend with me to help get through it. I flew down to Atlanta for a day. I was seeking council from one of my most trusted mentors. He noticed something was off about me, and showed me how to grab a hold of my anxiety. "I am not a slave to my job" was the mantra I repeated as a I took long, deep, slow breaths in and out of my lungs to calm myself. "I am not a slave to my job", my heart started to ease it's pace. I repeated this for almost 30 minutes. I laid with my back on the earth, eyes closed, legs straight, feeling the grass with my palms. I felt the earth vibrate. It breathed with me. It was as if we caught each others rhythm. If it hadn't been for the rain, I might've stayed there all day.
With my anxiety calmed, I was urged to return back to the source of my anxiety. I listened. Then the departure happened. Shortly after, the fear crept back in. What would I do now? Where would I go? How would everything turn out? My mind started racing again. I let fear overcome me again.
Fear will make you second guess yourself. Second guessing yourself is nothing but doubt. Doubt is a lack of faith. In order to make it, you'll have to have faith. Who can we believe in if we can't believe in ourselves? When fear creeps in, it's usually a sign that you're headed in the right direction. It's just a hurdle we have to clear. It may come back again. Every time you feel it, just remember you can push past it and run a little bit further. When you see the next one, jump and keep going. Life won't stop because you're afraid. You'll just be stuck with the 80%. The 80% might suffice. However, every hurdle you cross gets you closer and closer to your 100%. Don't you want it? Don't you believe you deserve it?