OCT 21, 2020
Written in the Uber...
A gray fog hovers above. It’s almost ominous. This could be the last day of my life. Or it could be the beginning of a new journey. As the world continues to spin out of control, I find myself surrendering my body to a surgeon. He’s removing an organ we no longer need in our bodies. My appendix. A nervous mother sits next to me. Quiet but anxious. I’m doing my best to repel the energy so I can walk into the hospital unnerved.
We’ve been living in a Covid world for more than six months now. We all chose how to operate in this new world. Some chose to keep moving through life as though there was no viral threat. Some convinced themselves that there was in fact no virus at all. A hoax some called it. I chose the opposite extreme.
I quarantine away from humans. They carried the virus and I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. Quick runs to the grocery store turned into huge orders from Fresh Direct, Amazon Fresh, and Instacart. There were days, weeks even when I wouldn’t even step outside for fresh air. For a few weeks I was making sure I was active. I tried home workouts from Dance Your Pounds Off and kemetic yoga on Youtube. I even bought a high tech jump rope to count my jumps.
My spirits were high. I built a mini classroom in the apartment for work. I even managed to start a new business, Black Kids Love Math. But then George Floyd was murdered in front of the world. That day I wrote a song called Joy. I was trying to conjure positivity from that dark moment and the song was beautiful. But the next day I woke up feeling depleted of energy. It was the first of a string of days where I sat idle, feeling hopeless. Not only did we have to deal with the stress of a pandemic, but we were instantly reminded that Covid wouldn’t cure racism. It was supposed to be the great equalizer. The virus doesn’t see color but the communities it impacted the most were mine.
Days turned to weeks, and those weeks turned into months. My body was inactive. But then I felt a weird sensation in my lower abdomen. I called a friend and told him about it. At first I was panicked and wanted to go to a hospital. But my fear of the virus thwarted my plans to go to the emergency room. I laid down and slept and felt better in the morning. I brushed it off as just gas. As the day went on however, I felt it again. This was now a real concern. It wasn’t debilitating though. I started going for long walks to see what my body was able to do with this new ailment. Even after 5 miles I seemed fine. But then the Sunday before Labor Day, the sensation came back with a vengeance and I found myself under CAT scan machine to see what this pain was. Turns out there was inflammation around my appendix. After hearing this I breathed a sigh of relief. It confirmed that this sensation wasn’t something made up in my head and the appendix isn’t an organ humans need anymore so I knew if it had to be removed it would be okay.
I consider this a Covid related illness because of the way I chose to quarantine. Being inactive for that long definitely impacted my health, not only mentally, but now physically. There are certainly other impacts this virus has caused on many of us, and having my appendix removed is now one of them.
Now I’m sitting in the waiting room about to be called back for pre-op. The check in process was two days long. I had to get screen and tested for COVID-19 and thankfully my results were negative. There’s a $3,000 bill that has to be paid at some point, but it’s just money. Health is the real wealth.
This mixtape was created out of desperation. The first day of the lockdown, I laid awake in bed having a panic attack. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath and I thought I was having symptoms of Covid. Somehow I was able to drift off to sleep. The next morning I woke up and recorded my first song on Voisey.
“What if this was the last day of my life on the earth? Would I be happy with what I’ve done?”
At the time, the answer was no. I hadn’t completed a music project yet. It’s the one thing I would’ve regretted had my life ended that day. These 30 songs are the beginning of my music journey. Starting with a mixtape. Next an EP, and eventually an album. For now, I celebrate getting this out into the world.